Wednesday, October 8, 2008

"If your gonna spew...spew into this!"

This my friends is a story, the story of a mother and her desires.

Our story begins on a hot summer day in Mesaco where this peticular mother, we'll call her Dyan, was lucky enough to have a baby shower thrown for her with her 2nd pregnancy. After a delightful evening filled with friends, family and food, Dyan retreated to her new nursery to open her favorite gift, the gift every new mom cannot think to live without, you guessed it...the DIAPER GENIE...

Now why Dyan never accquired this benelovent genie with her first baby was a mystery. Her diaper packaging situation with her first child was "messy and...frickin nasty" to say the least! She was even lucky enough to receive the diaper refills with her genie, she was set. Her genie installment would go off without a hitch and she'd anxiously await the day to drop her first the genie. This is where the story turns. Dyan was a hip young mom who was blessed with an ample amount of street smarts, but book smarts...not so much! She couldnt figure out how to get the dang thing to work. It looks easy enough sure, but after many a test runs, Dyan had failed. Each time she put a "fake diaper" in, closed the lid, turned the lid and opened it back up, it was still there. It did not magically disappear as Dyan knew it should. Dyan could've asked for help, but her pride and annoyance in herself stopped her. Besides her husband didnt give 2 licks about the master genie on high and wouldn't help her anyways.

Dyan decided to wait awhile, she thought to herself "maybe when the baby comes and its a real diaper I try to dispose, it will work!" Of coarse it didnt, and she gave up. Soon the diaper genie became a shrine of her failures and collected dust in the corner of the room. As time went on, Dyan hardley thought of the genie, if ever at all. She didnt even notice it in the corner anymore. Time went on, the seasons changed and weather pretty much stayed the same! Dyans family had grown. She was blessed with her 3rd child and her 2nd child (only girl!) was already 2 years of age!!

Now as a family grows so does their needs! It was time to move. One day while Dyan was packing, her daughter woke up from a nap. She quickly retrieved her from the crib, set her down and begin examing her daughters packing needs. Thats when her eyes wandered to the genie for the first time in a long time! Dyan thought, "Score! We can totally garage sale this stupid thing! Its brand new for crying out loud!" Dyan proceeded to open the genie (out of curiousity) and much to her surprise she saw a diaper sitting inside it. "Ewww, thats gross" she said, "how the heck did this get here?" She grabbed a plastic bag and wrapped the diaper, it wasnt too bad, it was pretty dry. She started to make a list in her head of who would of set the diaper inside when all of a sudden she stopped. After removing the lone diaper from her genie, a different sight suddenly came into view.
At the bottom of the diaper genie rested 6-8 soggy, brown, WELL EXPIRED diapers. Dyan was in shock, after swallowing what little chunks had made their way up her throat she said, "SICK, what the heck is going on?" The bulge was so bad that she had to remove them from the bottom of this hell-born contraption. Holding her breath while trying not to pass out at the same time, she took the soggy bulge and headed for the outside trash.
She was furious, "who would be so irresponsible to do such a thing!" There were only a few suspects, only a few select people ever watched her children. Was this an act of deceit? Or a simple unfortunate mishap? It then occured to Dyan that it was her fault. Is everyone that watches her kids just to assume the the diaper genie doesnt work? If they figured this out, would it of been an act of kindness to fix it and dispose diapers in it? The answer is yes. Who WOULDNT put a dirty diaper in a diaper genie in a babys room next to the changing station? I know I probably would If i were taking care of someone elses child. So our story ends in the conculsion of sometimes, sh*# happens!...literally!
While taking them out, Dyan saw a #3 on the back of said diapers. Her daughter hasnt wore a size 3 diaper in over a year!...gross I know!
For some reason, I edit paragraph breaks and it wont post it that way...soryy :(


mandi said...

this is so disgustingly funny.I thought to my self, before I heArd this story, that one of the grossest smells is an old diaper and then you come up with this,it is awful,imagine if you never looked inside and sold it like that at your garage sale,they would be some lucky buyers

Lisa said...

Oh gross!!! I told this story to my co-worker yesterday after reading it and she about gagged.

CheLLis 'n' ALex said...

this was the funniest thing i have heard of all day. 1. because that is so nasty that its funny. 2. because we had one the we could operate correctly and opted not to use it (maybe yours was broken) and 3. i got a little sick to my stomach reading this, i could only imagine you standing there experiencing this misfortune.
whoever gets the Diaper Genie is one lucky lady, who has no idea the story behind it!! haha

Lindsay Jones said...

Mandi told me about this, but reading it was 10 times more funny! Gross but funny!