Wednesday, October 29, 2008

TAG it up!!

Mandi tagged me with 2-7 random facts about myself. I feel like Im pretty much an open book about myself so it was tricky to think of some stuff.

1. One of my "never gonna happen" life long dreams is being a cast member on Saturday Night Live. To be able to dress up in different characters and surround myself with other funny people and make total strangers laugh every sounds entoxicating to me!
2. I have a tattoo. I got it when I was 19. Its a red star on the small of my back. It used to be bright and pointy and now its just faded and sad looking (all the star points kinda hang down!) If I wasnt concerned for my eternal soul I would have SO many more, they're addicting!!
3. Im OCD about my kids's toys. Every shape has to be in the shape dropper container thing, every tech deck, little skate dudes have to be in the green box sitting next to the half pipe. Every puzzle piece has to be seperated in a bag sitting next to its corresponding puzzle. All ninja turtles go together in their own little corner of the toy basket, same with the cars...the list goes on and on. Im not OCD about hardly anything but this drives me nuts. Sometimes if a friends over they will help clean up the mess since it was a community effort getting dirty. When they leave I always redump out the toys and rearrange dumb i know!!
4. I love to brush my tongue. Gay, I know but I usually brush just my tongue for 30-40 secs. everytime I brush my teeth. When Im doing it the voice in my head is saying, "ohhh yaaa...." all dirty like!! When Im pregnant, sometimes I'll stop doing whatev, go upstairs and brush my tongue just because!
5. I've always wanted to be in a rock band. Everyone knows I love to dance and jam to the hippity hop but I so desperatley want to be a drummer or the lead singer of a band that just plays they're guts out rock and roll style!! The fact that Dus was a drummer only made me think that one day I too would know how to play the far, not so much!!
6. Im a grown adult but when someone says "panties" or "naughty" i giggle inside...and shiver a little. I cant stand those words (i dont know why) and I feel dirty when I say them! It started in junior high or high school and it still drives me just as nuts!! I will NEVER say to my kids, "You've been NAUGHTY now go to the corner!!" blah!
7. I have a goal to go to Comestology school later in life when my kids are in school. I have this dormant desire that only comes out here and there. Ive worked at salons a majority of my employed days and I was signed up to go to Toni and Guy but I got prego with Brody and I thought it would be a waste of money. I hope I can stay cool enough that long to NOT be the old lady who uses a cap to bleach her clients!!
I tag Heather, Lisa, Sarah, Liz and Tera!!

Monday, October 27, 2008


So I was tagged by Kristy and I was excited to do this. The tag goes like this- go into your computer click on the 4th folder and choose the 4th picture in that folder and tell about it so enjoy...

Its not a very exciting picture. I figured out from the date that it was Mothers Day dinner at Olive Garden (us Koelles keep it real!) My grandma always goes to Texas for Mothers Day (my uncle lives there) so we got together on a saturday before she left. This is my family: dad, grandma, Neil, Tera and their families...we have alot of kids. This pic brought back alot of memories, the little guy in the car seat is Brody. Oh, that really cute skinny couple on the end is Dus and I if you cant tell. I remember that he came straight to the OG right from fathers and sons and he was really dirty but totally HOT!! It makes me mad that I used to complain about being fat after I had Brody because obviously I wasnt!! If you want to zoom in to see just how cute I really was, i wont mind!! Thats back in the day where I wore my Clive backpack everywhere and I still fit into all my Volcom and Element was good! Now I just get called ma'am everywhere I go and have a belly that hangs over my jeans whether they are tight or not! I shake it quite've probably seen it! Ah motherhood!!!
I tag Liz and Sarah

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Finally!!...I feel alive again!

Its frustrating WANTING to post something and not being able to. I feel renewed that I can once again post whats up. I dont have anything in paticular, Im just gonna fill you in on whats going we go.

First off... Can this kid get any cuter??? My little guy is getting so big, he is offically army crawling and the kid slides as soon as he hits the wood floor in the kitchen... hes like butta!! He also started sayind da-da and I love it!! Him and Brody have conversations with each other and its about the funniest thing ive ever seen!!

Blissfest FINALLY arrived on saturday. I was so excited!!! It was alot of work but well worth it. I had so much fun! I was there all day and most the time flew, by Sunday my body was pissed off! I felt like I ran a marathon! (like that will ever happen) I missed the zoo walk for Autism, it was the same day but I still felt like I did my part in service for this specail family. Thank you to all my friends and husband who help put this together and make my booth a hit!! Oh ya, if you ever need to find sand, haul sand, unload sand and reload it...dont! It totally sucks! My camera died so I only got these shots before the chaos began.

Heres a close up of my booty!...HA HA

gold coins poking out of the sand to entice the little ones!

Here are a couple of blankets Ive made within the last couple of weeks. Im setting up a table at a friend of mines open boutique house on Nov. 1st so Im getting ready for it. I also making some onsie decals (attempting to anyways) and I'll let you know how it goes.

That first week when the weather started to get really nice we went out and played so much. Saylee did a great job playing on these toys appropriatley and not playing with the wood chips the whole time! She fell in love with this big grasshopper, she would get off, walk over to his face, smile and stroke his big was too cute!!

Brody found this Batman mask at Joanns last week. It was 60% off ($2.00) and he's had it on for the last 7 days. Seriously...all day! Hes crazy for it...he calls me Robin and I call him Batman, I feel like we have an inside joke!

I found this guy in our recycle garbage in my garage a couple of weeks ago. He was making alot of noise and I thought I was gonna find a badger or possum or something hiding somewhere! When I saw this guy I said, "oh, your just a little guy!" then this thing jumped up really high (green goblin style) and scared the CRAP out of me. I laughed about to myself forever. I let him go and he ran back in my gargae somewhere, I think we've got a family chillin at la casa de Hon.

I met up with Mandi and a few Crum girls at the park while she was in town. It was pretty hot but it was fun, we got to hang out. Of coarse I didnt get a picture of us, so the kids will have to do!

Sarah celebrated her birthday a couple of weeks ago, we all hit up dinner and it was fun to have some adult time! I was starting to go crazy without Dustin around. We went to Saute, I got a burger and it was unexpectantly delightful!! Happy Birthday Buddy!

Ashley, me, Elisa, Claudia, Tanj and Sarah


Sunday, October 19, 2008

Computer gay = no posts!

I have tons of pictures to show everyone of my last few weeks but for some reason, blogger wont upload them. I dont know whats up, does anyone know how to get around this??

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The event of the millenia!!


If you feel like having a hay of a day (who doesnt?) then stop by the carnival on Saturday. Bring the kids, grab some food, play some games, donate to a GREAT cause and go home happy!!!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

"If your gonna spew...spew into this!"

This my friends is a story, the story of a mother and her desires.

Our story begins on a hot summer day in Mesaco where this peticular mother, we'll call her Dyan, was lucky enough to have a baby shower thrown for her with her 2nd pregnancy. After a delightful evening filled with friends, family and food, Dyan retreated to her new nursery to open her favorite gift, the gift every new mom cannot think to live without, you guessed it...the DIAPER GENIE...

Now why Dyan never accquired this benelovent genie with her first baby was a mystery. Her diaper packaging situation with her first child was "messy and...frickin nasty" to say the least! She was even lucky enough to receive the diaper refills with her genie, she was set. Her genie installment would go off without a hitch and she'd anxiously await the day to drop her first the genie. This is where the story turns. Dyan was a hip young mom who was blessed with an ample amount of street smarts, but book smarts...not so much! She couldnt figure out how to get the dang thing to work. It looks easy enough sure, but after many a test runs, Dyan had failed. Each time she put a "fake diaper" in, closed the lid, turned the lid and opened it back up, it was still there. It did not magically disappear as Dyan knew it should. Dyan could've asked for help, but her pride and annoyance in herself stopped her. Besides her husband didnt give 2 licks about the master genie on high and wouldn't help her anyways.

Dyan decided to wait awhile, she thought to herself "maybe when the baby comes and its a real diaper I try to dispose, it will work!" Of coarse it didnt, and she gave up. Soon the diaper genie became a shrine of her failures and collected dust in the corner of the room. As time went on, Dyan hardley thought of the genie, if ever at all. She didnt even notice it in the corner anymore. Time went on, the seasons changed and weather pretty much stayed the same! Dyans family had grown. She was blessed with her 3rd child and her 2nd child (only girl!) was already 2 years of age!!

Now as a family grows so does their needs! It was time to move. One day while Dyan was packing, her daughter woke up from a nap. She quickly retrieved her from the crib, set her down and begin examing her daughters packing needs. Thats when her eyes wandered to the genie for the first time in a long time! Dyan thought, "Score! We can totally garage sale this stupid thing! Its brand new for crying out loud!" Dyan proceeded to open the genie (out of curiousity) and much to her surprise she saw a diaper sitting inside it. "Ewww, thats gross" she said, "how the heck did this get here?" She grabbed a plastic bag and wrapped the diaper, it wasnt too bad, it was pretty dry. She started to make a list in her head of who would of set the diaper inside when all of a sudden she stopped. After removing the lone diaper from her genie, a different sight suddenly came into view.
At the bottom of the diaper genie rested 6-8 soggy, brown, WELL EXPIRED diapers. Dyan was in shock, after swallowing what little chunks had made their way up her throat she said, "SICK, what the heck is going on?" The bulge was so bad that she had to remove them from the bottom of this hell-born contraption. Holding her breath while trying not to pass out at the same time, she took the soggy bulge and headed for the outside trash.
She was furious, "who would be so irresponsible to do such a thing!" There were only a few suspects, only a few select people ever watched her children. Was this an act of deceit? Or a simple unfortunate mishap? It then occured to Dyan that it was her fault. Is everyone that watches her kids just to assume the the diaper genie doesnt work? If they figured this out, would it of been an act of kindness to fix it and dispose diapers in it? The answer is yes. Who WOULDNT put a dirty diaper in a diaper genie in a babys room next to the changing station? I know I probably would If i were taking care of someone elses child. So our story ends in the conculsion of sometimes, sh*# happens!...literally!
While taking them out, Dyan saw a #3 on the back of said diapers. Her daughter hasnt wore a size 3 diaper in over a year!...gross I know!
For some reason, I edit paragraph breaks and it wont post it that way...soryy :(

Friday, October 3, 2008

A Warriors Destiny

For some reason and I don't know why, I have been hesitant to post some feelings on the one thing that consumes my every thought right now. I'm just gonna lay it all out, my story and what I'm feeling. Here goes... In March of this year, my 20 month old little girl was diagnosed "at risk for Autism." This conclusion had been reached after 5 months of excruciating tests, meeting with doctors and ALOT of money.

Saylee was always a good baby, always very quiet and easy going...great sleeper too! I didn't breastfeed her very long (I'm a quitter). Also part of it was because she was very stiff all the time. She never liked to be cuddled or rocked to sleep, it made me sad at first but I just referred to her as my "little robot" and got over it. She reached all of her first milestones within the expected limit and she was a happy little girl. For some unexplained reason (I still don't know why) I never had her vaccinated. I wish I could say it was my motherly gut giving me a bad feeling, but Im sure it was pure laziness. This plays into my story later.

Around 13 months of age, I noticed some weird behavior. She would roll over on her side and stiffen her entire body: Legs together, arms together. Im talking white toesy spread like stars! She would shake because she was flexing so hard. I thought it was wierd, passed it off as "little robot" behavior and moved on with my day. After a few weeks these incidents started occuring more frequently. I started to think she was having some type of seziure, this was happening 10-15 times a day, so I decided to do something about it. Thats when the worst day of my life happened.

She was 14 months old when I took her to the pediatrician for the first time (you can judge me later.) I saw the nurse practitioner and she ran through all the routine questions with me. When we got to the part where she asked when Saylees first word was, I simply replied, "she hasnt said it yet." Instantly she informed me she was concerned and that Saylees hearing needed to be checked. Now, Saylee is an irritable little girl, she doesnt liked being touched or forced to do anything. At this point Im 8 weeks pregnant with Grady and my hormones are on high. I cried as I watched 2 nurses pin my daughter down just so they could check her ears, they were screaming her name in which she was not responding. The NP left to get the head nurse to inform her of the situation. I only thought to myself, "what situation?" I was so confused. Once she arrived she decided to do all these tests again to confirm any suspicions herself. This time Saylee started throwing up because she was crying and screaming so much. Im crying right now as I write this because the sheer terror on her face and her screams still haunt me to this day. After the nurse decided her hearing was okay, it was time to catch up on some vaccines. I know these ladies were already judging my level of horibbleness because I had yet to give my child even one vaccine, I could see it in their eyes. After Saylees horrible ordeal, I had to pin her down to help give her 6 shots (4 live viruses). I left there crying and calling Dustin telling him I will never return to that place, and I havent.

3 months later after EEG's, MRI's and multiple visits to a pediatric neurologist, I was told that my daughter was not seizing, but masturbating! Oh sure, this will make any mother feel better, right? I couldnt phathom this idea. They told us it was a form of self stimulation, I thought, "why the heck does she need to stimulate herself?" The neurologist strongly urged us to start early intervention (at this point no language yet) and after some heated discussions between Dus and I, we decided to give it a go. This brings us to March of this year, because of her "at risk" diagnosis, she qualified for tons of state assistance, we were blessed for that.

Fast forward to today. Saylee sees three therapist a week, (speech, OT, developmental) and she sees a chiropractor who practices applied kinesiology twice a week. I started her on a GFCF diet (gluten free/casein free) 6 months ago and she takes anywhere from about 6-9 supplements a day. (calcium supplements, cod liver oil, metal detox, enzyme powder, etc.) As you can imagine its been extremely hard. Amongst all this Ive had a brand new baby at home. My close friends and family know that we have seen AMAZING results with our efforts thus far. She clealy is still delayed but six months ago she was like a deaf mute, she didnt make a sound. Now she babbles so much, its starting to get annoying! (not really) I knew a six month eval was required and an offical diagnonsis would help our chances of receiving extra benefits so we set her up for a full psych eval.

Its amazing how much two little words can change your life. I very much knew there was a chance of her being diagnosed with Autism, but to actually hear it... its extremely painful as a parent. Going from "at risk of Austism" to "Autism" itself just rocked my world. I felt more prepared than alot of parents. Im bitter. Im upset that it cost my family over a thousand dollars worth of painful UNNECESSARY tests for some quack brain doctor to tell me my baby is masturbating. After her at-risk diagnosis, I read almost everything I could find on Autism and sensory disorders. I completley understood why my daughter was stimming (self stimulation) and It frustrates me to no end that a trained medical professional had absolutely NO IDEA what was happening to her. Im angry at myself as a mother for letting her receives those six vaccines (one was MMR). She obviously had sensory issues to start worth and I destroyed any chance of her fighting it by breaking down her immune system and making it worse. Im bitter that people are judgmental and stare at you because your daughter is running around with a plastic spoon in her hand. That the minute something or someone would get too close to her she'd have a panic attack.

So heres the obvious "woe is me" part. I played that role for a few weeks. I was destroyed inside and felt like I had failed as a mother before I was ever really given a shot. I read a book about a mothers battle with her son and his fight with Autism and it brought me back to life. This is what I know. I know that losing my mom to cancer at age 12, that watching her slip into a coma and at times not know who I was, was mere preparation. I know that the reason I am such an "outgoing, never embarrassed funny kind of gal" was to prepare me, my entire life has brought me to this point, it was all pre-ordanied. When Im dancing inside a Lowes, singing Yo Gabba Gabba songs, my baby fat is jiggling in places I didnt know exsisted and people are leaving there aisle to come to mine and watch the crazy lady ALL to make my little kids laugh, I feel blessed. Im also blessed to know that the Lord thinks I am strong enough to guide such a sweet and powerful spirit through this life, Saylee is ten times the warrior I will ever be. Im blessed to KNOW IN MY HEART that my mom prepared Saylee to come to this earth and accomplish what it is that she is here to do. I am grateful for friends, some who can relate, some who cannot, who always give me encouraging words and reiterate to me that its FAITH that will help Saylee, not modern drugs.

I love my husband. The average rate of divorce in Autism families is 80%... I can see why. You never feel more tested as a parent then you do when something is wrong with your child and you do not agree with your spouse on a coarse of action. I have been blessed that Dustin cares. He didnt go into denial, he didnt throw himself into his work and leave me to deal alone. He is the first one to tell a complete stranger with tears running down his face that he loves his little girl no matter what. I swells my heart to think of the love and bonds he shares with our children. Dustin, I love you. I love you more than I will ever be able to say.

To Saylee... sweetie, one day I will sit down with you and tell you our story. I will tell you that you are perfect. You will know this because your testimony will confirm it. I hope on this day you can tell me why you did some of the things you did. I will tell you that times got tough but we got through it. We will cry, we will laugh, we will snack on M&Ms because we will be best friends. I will testify to you that all my strength, that all your dads strength was not enough to help, It was the strength of our Lord that carried us all through these times. And after we embrace each other and vocalize the love that is endless for each other, we will go shopping...